


The Mysterious Legacy of the Batman

by fire_sprite



Category: Batman (Comics), Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), DCU
Genre: Based On Buzzfeed Unsolved, Buzzfeed Unsolved References, Gen, Social Media, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 04:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17379557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fire_sprite/pseuds/fire_sprite
Summary: This week, the Ghouligans theorize about New York City's most famous vigilantes: Batman and Robin.





	The Mysterious Legacy of the Batman

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Bizarre Winchester Murder Spree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16148570) by [Origamidragons](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Origamidragons/pseuds/Origamidragons). 



“This week on _Unsolved,_ we’re covering not a _disappearance,_ but more of an _appearance._ We’re discussing _why_ this man came to be.”

Shane raised his eyebrows spookily, but otherwise gave no indication to his mood. Ryan scoffed. “And he’s… excited, as always.”

Shane rearranged his face into a grotesque impression of excitement.

“Oh, Jesus Christ. Nevermind.”

 

“Anyway, this time, we’re covering Batman: who is he, and what does he really want with New York City?”

 

* * *

 

“The Batman was first sighted the spring of 1940, and through the years, has seemingly had many different reincarnations, until the role evolved into the vigilante we all know and love today. But what could have caused the need for him in the first place? Many point to the high crime rate found in New York City.”

_so if this is true- and i’m not saying new york doesn’t have crime-_

_why doesn’t chicago have vigilantes too?_

_maybe chicago just isn’t as important as you think it is_

_oh for- that was completely unnecessary, ryan_

 

“Although the Batman is incredibly famous, the identity of the masked man is unknown. Here’s what we know of his history.”

Assorted newspaper pages fluttered, opening up various articles, all accompanied with blurry pictures of a dark silhouette against the moon, and surely attributed to photographers long gone. Even old editions of _The Times_ were sighted, as evidently Batman fit the criteria that was “all the news that’s fit to print.”

“Batman began his role as vigilante confronting petty crimes like disorderly conduct, shoplifting, and trespassing, but quickly rose through the ranks and started opposing major criminals of the time, such as Doctor Death and the Mad Monk.”

_could you imagine… you’re just out with your friends,_

_having a good time, maybe yelling a little bit…_

_yeah?_

_and a man in a full bat suit just stops you right in_

_the middle of the street? i wouldn’t believe my eyes_

_(wheeze)_

_"uh sir you need to stop, public intoxication is a_ _misdemeanor and_ _you will be_

 _fined,” and you’re like “oh_ _yeah? and who the hell are you_ _supposed to be?”_

 _“yeah, some fuckin’_ ... _batman?”_

_“actually…”_

_hahahahaha_

 

“He was first reported as a ‘disturbance’ to the police by neighbors, but was never actually caught by law enforcement. As he brought in more criminals, however, the police stopped pursuing him, and Batman was made an honorary officer in 1954.”

“Around the 1960s, Batman’s sidekick, who would later be known as Robin, entered the scene. However, we know even less about Robin than Batman himself, although even now the two seem to have an ongoing mentor-mentee relationship.”

_if i had a mentor, and he said “suit up, we’re going_

_to fight crime, i’m going to wear a batsuit and you’ll_

_wear a leotard” i’d be like “uhh…”_

_yeah, the outfit is definitely an odd choice, but he is a gymnast_

_oh, not to say that it isn’t cool! if batman and_

_robin are watching this right now, just_

_wanna say- we are huge fans_

_huge fans_

 

“What we have determined, however, is that Robin always appears in a red leotard, green tights and mask, and a yellow cape. Robin is an expert gymnast and is a talkative partner to the stoic Batman, often going so far as to hold actual conversations with his opponents, many of whom have described Robin as ‘endearing,’ even when they were the ones _fighting_ him.”

 Witness reports slid across the screen, and, with them, snippets of quotes were seen, all describing the crime-fighters. Some were near blank, with only a few words clipped to them at a time, but other statements mimicked essays in their length and rich in description. The names “Joker” and “John Doe” were attributed to many of these essay-length reports.

 “However, here is where the history ends and our present Batman and Robin come in.”

 Contrasting with the tattered reports of old, new headlines surged into view; blaring from the websites of the _Daily Bugle_ and the _Chicago Tribune,_ they were undoubtedly the work of minor journalists eager to write about their favorite superheroes. Compared to the pixelated black-and-white photos from the age of paper, these new photographs looked pristine.

 “The Batman is physically described by most eyewitnesses to be 6’4”, weighing around two hundred and twenty pounds, Caucasian, and with possible blue eyes. He is also estimated to be in his late twenties or early thirties.”

_wait, wait, wait, i thought this guy wears a mask_

_he does, that’s why i said blue eyes were possible_

 

“That last part of identification came from an anonymous eyewitness who came forward in 2013, saying that Batman had rescued him with part of his mask defective. He claimed that, quote, ‘... the lense [of the mask] was broken. It was just a small crack, but part of it was missing, and I could see his eye pretty clearly. It seemed to stare right into my soul.’ Unquote.”

_so we got like a tell-tale heart thing going on here_

_this literally does not line up with the tell-tale heart in any way_

_what about the eye?_

_i have no idea what you’re talking about_

_didn’t you ever read the tell-tale heart in grade school?_

_no, what kind of grade school teaches you stories about_ _dismembered hearts?_

_i told you, i went to a very grim grade school_

_we are getting way off track here_

 

“Blue eyes have also been corroborated in other witness reports, but in these cases, the witnesses agreed _after_ they were informed of this claim, making it possible that they were only subject to influence.”

_do- do you think he’s one of those people with blue eyes…_

_that just go on and on about it?_

_what?_

_like when someone asks them their eye color they’re like_

_“well they get sort of gold in the afternoon and green at night…”_

_OH, so you think, like this witness was like “hey, are your_   _eyes blue?” and batman was like-_

_“i wouldn’t really call them blue, they’re more turquoise...”_

_(wheeze) no, i don’t think he’s like that. i think he’s badass_

 “Robin is said to be 5’5”, weighing around one hundred and twenty pounds, lanky, and Caucasian. These reports can be hard to come by, as villains who have fought Robin often refuse to give physical descriptions of him.”

 

_that's fair_

_why's that?_

_i mean... if i’m a villain, and i’m fighting this fourteen-year-old_

_and there’s a chance he goes to jail for stopping my crimes…_

_i don’t know, maybe these villains get attached to him or something_

_i wouldn’t want robin in jail for something i did_

_also, side note, i’ve actually talked to him before_

_you HAVE?_

_yeah, i was visiting NYC at christmas, and_ _he just swooped past me and told me happy holidays_

_that’s insane_

_he was really friendly, i can see why nobody wants to incriminate him_

 

“The Batman can be identified primarily by his iconic dark grey suit, cape, and cowl, along with the gold insignia on his chest. Throughout the years, his costume has varied minimally, sometimes changing from grey to black, and his cape and cowl navy or darker, but his look has always been constant, even being backed up by reports from the fifties and earlier.”

_i mean, it’s a good look, right?_

_i guess. i mean, if i was a superhero, i’d just wear_   _jerseys all the time. that’d be pretty cool_

 

“The Joker has also described Batman on numerous occasions, but this information is unfortunately not useful, as he provided different statements each time he was questioned.”

_plus we can’t trust the word of a madman_

_also true_

_the first time he described him the police were actually really_ _serious_

_about it, though, they opened an investigation and everything_

_and then he gave a completely different statement_

_yeah, then they found out he was full of shit_

 

“In the late nineties, mental profiles of Batman and Robin were also given by the New York Police Department due to public interest. These mental health profiles showed Batman as ‘a likely victim of post-traumatic stress disorder,’ and theorized that he may have become so due to a traumatic event in his life, leading to crime-fighting. Obsessive behavior was also noticed in dealings with the police, particularly the late Officer Gordon. Psychiatrist H. Quinzel, who was partnered with the NYPD on the project, diagnosed him with obsessive-compulsive behavior. Batman’s mental health profile also posited that he was most likely ‘raised around violence, comfortable with engineering equipment, and unused to having consequences for his actions.’”

 “Robin’s mental health profile was reportedly harder to discern, as Robin is and was a teenage boy, and therefore symptoms of possible mental disorders were able to be explained by hormone changes, or, simply, mood swings. Robin had no diagnosed mental illnesses, but seemed similar to Batman in that he was also unused to consequences for his actions, ‘typical of many teenagers’. Eyewitnesses to multiple events including Robin noticed that he occasionally appeared ‘jumpy, anxious, and could be mistaken for someone who had just gotten over a large fright.’ This is similar to the way Batman was said to be a victim of post-traumatic stress disorder, and could possibly mean that Robin expressed symptoms of PTSD as well.”

_wow_

_yeah, they really went all-out on this for the nineties_

 

“Unfortunately, due to the lack of any knowledge about Batman or Robin’s real identities, here is where our information ends. Now let’s get into the theories.”

 “The first theory is widely agreed upon by most, and is the most realistic of the three, generally referred to as the _Society of the Batmen_ theory. This says that Batman and Robin’s long legacy from 1940 has been continued throughout the years by a series of ‘copycat’ vigilantes.”

_so like the opposite of a copycat killer_

_gotta say, if you’re planning to be one or the other…_

_maybe go with being a copycat vigilante_

_or just, like, a police officer_

_nah_

 

“A theory building off of this is that they are not copycat vigilantes, but actually an organization dedicated to preserving the legacy of Batman and Robin. This organization would choose new Batmen and Robins every decade or so to avoid aging and the threat of debilitating injury to the superheroes. It would also make it harder for those looking to find Batman and Robin’s secret identities, and would overall secure the heroes’ roles.”

_so this is just a cult of geeks clocking in their shifts?_

_hahahahaha_

_"hey bro can you cover my batman shift?”_

_“come on, i was batman last week! it’s your turn”_

 

“The second theorizes that Batman and Robin are part of a conspiracy from the New York Police Department, and that they actually work for them in an effort to lower crime rates. This was popularized by the fact that Batman and Robin have actually teamed up with members of the police before, but it's not supported by much else.”

_but i can’t imagine if you’re a police officer in new york-_

_“we gotta get these numbers down. ricky,_

_go dress up like a giant bat”_

_exactly, it doesn’t really make sense_

 

 _the theory caught on before robin came along,_ _because then people were like “how_

 _is a teenager going to_ _be working for the NYPD,”_ _so it’s not that popular anymore_

_yeah i can see that_

_honestly it seems like a weird conspiracy theory at first, but_ _if you actually look at it, it’s actually not that unrealistic_

_eh_

_eh?_

_it’s not compelling_

 

“The last theory… I even hesitate to put forth, because it’s so _clearly_ a crack theory.”

 

_ryan, if you tell me that little green men from mars came_

_down to earth and became batman, i will leave this show_

_it’s not aliens, but it’s not much better, either_

 

“The last theory is titled the _Bruce Wayne Conspiracy._ Followers of this theory believe that Bruce Wayne, noted billionaire and philanthropist also located in New York City, is secretly the Batman.”

_some people actually think he’s batman_

_WHAT?_

_and that his son, dick grayson, is robin, because they’re the same age_

_that is the thinnest of strings to connect those two with!_

_(wheeze)_

_there is literally no evidence for this! he would_ _have to be- when was this, 1940?_

_the first sighting was 1940, yeah_

_he would have to be at LEAST a hundred years old_

_that’s actually where the “society of the batmen” theory comes in_

_they think that these highly elite group of trained_

_crime-fighters just decided to recruit this random millionaire?_

_billionaire, but yeah, i guess_

_that is just- that is just maddening, frankly_

_does the joker have any comment on this?_

_no, but he probably thinks batman is bruce wayne, too_

_what’s your take on this?_

_well, he’s for sure not bruce wayne_

_i like the society of the batmen theory, i_ _think that’s probably the most plausible_

_i think he’s just some guy_

_just some dude with too much time on his hands?_

_he just seems like… a very lonely man._

 

* * *

 

“Whether Batman is Bruce Wayne, another person, or a series of people is up for debate. As Batman nor Robin do not respond to the press for comment, it is unlikely that we will ever know who or what the Dark Knight is. It seems that the mysterious legacy of the Batman will live on, and that his true identity will remain… unsolved.”

**Author's Note:**

> In my universe, the second (and third, obviously) are canon: basically, there is a sort of Batman and Robin mantle that get passed down to others through the ages, and that happens to be passed down to Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson.


End file.
